today i can see a decline. he's less with it, more tired. kyle was with him when i got here and he told he wanted some dr. pepper. i left to go get some and when i got back he was asleep. i woke him up and brought it to him and said, hey dad, dr. pepper! and i showed him the cup i fixed for him. he looked at me and nodded then just closed his eyes and went back to sleep. it seems like we're on another downward slope. ill keep everyone posted.
craig seems to be having a good time in vermont with his family. i miss him a lot. i miss them. im glad i don't have to deal with the weather though. its cold enough here! he's supposed to come home tomorrow. i can't wait to hug him!
my aunt and cousin came to see us yesterday and give my brother and i a hand with dad. i had such a great time with them. it was great to have someone to talk to all day. and laugh! there isn't much laughter around here right now.
i realized last night how fully this has consumed my life. i feel like a new parent with a newborn (at least, i feel like how i think they feel). all i do is take care of dad. i feel bad leaving him here, even when i need a break and he has other people to be with him. and then last night i did the unthinkable. i went out! my friend bryan is running for mayor. yesterday was voting day and they were having an election party at his headquarters. i had been sad about not being able to be there before because i was supposed to be in vermont. after i came home to take care of the dogs last night i went back and forth about going to the party. i mean, i was in town now. and, it he won, what a great thing to say i was a part of. i was there when bryan found out he won mayor! but i was tired. and it felt "wrong" to go out. i decided to be a part of history though. bre agreed to meet me over there. it was so good to be out amongst people. and i was there when bryan found out he made the run off against the incumbent. not an outright win, but im excited we're one step closer. as i drove home last night i was like, wow, i feel like the mom leaving her baby with a babysitter for the first time, a tinge of guilt for doing something for myself, but really happy i did.
it surprises me that people think im so strong, so wonderful. i don't feel strong or wonderful. i feel quite ordinary. im just an ordinary person put in an extraordinary situation. i think you would all do the same. what normal person wouldn't? if your dad needed you, wouldn't you be there? of course you would. if you could make his last days easier by putting on a brave face, you would.
kyle has helped organize a benefit for dad on october 16. if any of you can make it or help we would appreciate it. it will be at secrets, their "home bar" for the APA pool league teams they played on. kyle has been able to play in weeks and obviously dad hasn't played in a while either. they're going to do a pool tournament and were going to try and sell some sort of plates or food or something and if we can get a few things to auction we'll do that too.
i have a quick rant. the saints game is on tv right now and i just noticed all the players have pink accents. towels, shoe laces, gloves, etc. it's breast cancer awareness month. why is breast cancer the only cancer that anyone cares about? why are there so many high profile breast cancer awareness items and walks and benefits? they haven't even said anything about it, but i just know because of the pink what it's for. i cant imagine how much money is donated to breast cancer every year. and that is great. but what about all the other cancers? i just wish they all got that kind of attention/funding. of course i have a much more jaded opinion on cancer research than i'll share right now, but you'll all have to put on your tin foil hats for that one...:)
thank you all, once again, for all your love and prayers and notes and calls and comments and emails. you're a blessing to me and my family.
here's a few more pics:
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