limbo

im being pulled in so many directions right now. theres something about dad's nurse coming that makes things at work go crazy. as soon as he pulled up today my cell phone started ringing. as soon as i went to the office monday she came and then they were calling me while i was at work. its overwhelming to say the least.

i really miss work. dont get me wrong, its not even a question that my dad needs me and i'm where i'm supposed to be, but it is not in my nature to stay at home all day. i tried taking a summer off before my senior year of college where i didn't work. i went crazy! im a workaholic. if it wasnt for craig, i would work much more than i do. i like it. i miss being in my office and having access to everything so i can really get things done. i feel so handicapped working from home. i dont have any of my old emails or files or anything. all i can work on is new emails and stuff i can access on our website. and i have plenty to do that way, but its not the same. and if i need to find something out its really hard. i like my job and i miss work. you guys wont have any house wife or mothering to look forward to from me.

yesterday i felt horrible. today im still not feeling good, but i feel better after the nyquil and the handful of vitamins this morning. i havent sneezed as much today either. dads starting to sleep more which meant i got some napping done myself. trying to be more productive today to make up for it.

also improving my mood is the newly installed oven and stove at dad's. all there has been is a microwave since ive been here. the kitchen looks like a war zone anyway so i always have food from somewhere else. but i love baking. its peaceful. and i feel productive. and i get to feed people which makes me feel like im taking care of them and doing something good for them that makes them happy. im not a stress eater, im a stress baker. so now, i can bake. there are brownies cooling on top of the stove as we speak. i have lots of things on my "to cook" list, so im excited! and dad perked up when i said i was making some brownies, so yay! getting him to eat can be tricky. he's always loved brownies though. hopefully i can get him to eat one later. he wasnt biting when i offered him some corn or green beans earlier from my lunch.

we had a surprise visit from my grandpa yesterday. i was standing in dad's room at his bed and i saw an older man walk in front of the window through the crack in the curtains. i said, i think grandpas here! dad was like, what?? i walked to the front door and sure enough, he was. he just stayed for a few minutes but he never stays too long. it was good to see him though.

in the past few weeks, one of dad's brothers found me online. ive never met him, but ive heard about him a lot. he found me on facebook and we talk almost every day now. he's mentioned trying to get up here to visit. we laughed after grandpa left about how funny it would have been if grandpa would have visited while billy was here. they haven't spoken in at least 10 years i believe. i havent told grandpa that we speak. as far as he knows, i dont know he exists at all. much mystery on my dad's side of the family (from both his parents). i think its fascinating. recently learned that im probably part sioux indian. billy knows a lot about our family history that i didn't know. weve been trading family pics and stories. ive really enjoyed getting to know him.

ive also got to spend a lot time with my aunt and cousin recently. thats been a lot of fun too. our whole family hasnt been very close since my grandma died. its been great kind of getting to know them all over again and to spend time with them. i have a great family. aunt melinda told dad monday, you've brought the family together and you didn't even realize it. its true. my brother and i are closer. some of my extended family and i are closer. i can't put into words how thankful i am for everyone's love and support.

well, i have a few more projects to tackle while dad's sleeping. better seize the moment!