Out of time

I called my dad this evening before I left work. He sounded pretty rough and had developed a cough. He told me he was home though which at the time I thought was great news. I headed over to the house were getting ready for him to move into so we could continue all the clean up and renovations that need to be done. They're moving in with a family friend who is living In his grandparents house. It's full of crap and everything dirty. My brother has almost totally redone the bathroom, we got flooring for dads room and the hallway, we've taken out bags and bags of crap and boxed up other stuff to get it out of the way.

So we worked over there tonight and my brother decided to take me through the garage. As were in the garage he tells me that dad is doing bad and he doesn't think we have much time left. I told him he sounded bad when i talked to him earlier. He said dad has started coughing blood. He said the nurses told him not to be surprised if he starts coughing up tissue. It's a total 180 from Saturday. Saturday he looked good, he was in a good mood, he got to see his old friend Harry, my aunt and her husband, my cousin and my uncle. It was a great day. Yesterday when I went to see him he looked tired and seemed kind of out of it. Now today he's coughing up blood.

Kyle said the doctors won't give him any more blood. They said that it wouldn't improve his prognosis and since he's done with radiation they don't need to keep him strong anymore. They can't find any bleeding, they can't get him to quit running fever, they basically can't and won't do anything else for him. I feel like they've sent him home to die.

So tonight I hit reality head on. No more denial. I feel like theres an elephant sitting on my chest. I feel like our days are numbered. They were giving dad blood every 3 days while he was in the hospital. How long could he possibly make it after his condition has now taken a visible turn for the worst without any more blood transfusions? Theres still so much that needs to be done to get Kyle and dad into this new place, which is literally across the street from my office. I feel like were out of time.