im sitting in dad's room,listening to his oxygen/moisturizer run. dad's semi asleep. he's running fever so he's only covered in a little piece of a sheet. he just asked me to take the comforter off the bed altogether. im exhausted.
i was supposed to make funeral arrangements today but dad has been too awake for me to feel comfortable making any calls about it. sometimes he's aware of what's going on, sometimes he hallucinates. he asked for my help getting up earlier so he could go walk around japan. he said a man told him he was in japan. i told him we were just in louisiana and it wasn't that interesting, he should probably just stay in bed. he said oh, ive been here before. i told him yea. he said, that man lied to me. i told him yes, that man lied to you. he knows who i am but forgets im here sometimes. he's actually a lot better today than he has been all week, minus the japan thing. he's spent a lot of the day awake and can follow simple conversations. he was so bad yesterday they had decided to go with round the clock care for him starting today but he's improved so much today that they're holding off on it. and it has been a pretty good day. tiring, because i have to bed over really close to him to make out what he's saying, but good that he isn't so out of it.
the nurse told us last night she thought she had 1-2 weeks left. i told her that was longer than i thought. she gave us a book about dying so we know what's coming.
i got a little work done this morning but even with everything here it's hard to work. everyone is dependent on me. it's like no one can just make a decision or do something, i have to walk them through every little thing or tell them exactly what to do. my phone rings all the time. if it's not a nurse or a CNA or a dr, its a friend or family member, checking on me or dad. and it's all wonderful sweet people who just care, but it gets really overwhelming.i had a breakdown this morning about it. i panicked this morning when i got here and i thought, omg i can't do this. i called craig (who was on his way after he picked us up some breakfast and took care of the dogs) and told him he needed to hurry. when i got her dad's bed was pulled out from the wall and diagonal in the room. there was a diaper on the floor and dad was laying in bed in nothing but a tshirt telling me i needed to call for help. i knew i needed to get something on him and get his bed pad changed and get him back in bed and i just thought, i can't handle all this. but we did it and i got through it and i fed him a whole yogurt cup and half an ensure and by the time craig got here i had everything under control. and it is really really hard. but i can do this.
i have some of the best friends and family a girl could ask for.
well dad has really fallen asleep now. im going to take the chance to go through some pictures i brought over and havent had a chance to get to.
oh, nevermind...dad's phone is ringing...
No comments:
Post a Comment