hospice

I've had a lot of calls to and from the Hospice people today. I'm having them put in the hospital bed at the new house. Kyle got all the flooring laid yesterday. We finished grouting the tile in the bathroom, we just need to paint, finish off the new sheet rock we put on the ceiling, and put the toilet and sink back in and we can get dad over there. We made good progress in the kitchen and living room last night too. It's coming together.

Dad's kind of out of it. He sleeps a lot. He's not really eating or drinking. I've had lots of people tell me they can't get him on the phone either. There's a nurse at his house right now checking on him. I've talked to doctors and administrators. Everyone from hospice is really really nice.

I told the last lady I talked to about how I went over at lunch yesterday and made dad some pasta and got him to drink some Gatorade and take his medicine but when I went back after work he hadn't eaten his food and hadn't drank anymore from his glass. I told her I brought him some food (he told me at lunch he wanted a meat pie so I brought him one) and he took 3 little bites of it and had me put it in the fridge. I gave him an Ensure that I think he drank most of and he took another pain pill. I told her I needed help getting him to eat. She told me that as diseases advance that people don't have an appetite and not to try to make him eat if he's not hungry. I told her yea, but if people dont eat...And she said, i know, its easier for me to say. So now on top of not giving him blood anymore, they're also not even going to make sure he gets any nutrition either.

I'm not ready to give up and quit fighting. I don't understand why they want me to.

Dad told me yesterday, I'll be back to normal in a day or two. I just told him yea. I know it's not true. I feel like right now I won't have my daddy back at all. He's not himself anymore. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared.