My life with a dash of sarcasm: 21 Days of Lorelai

Hard to believe she's actually 3 weeks old today. It doesn't feel like we've been home for 3 weeks. More like 3 days. I feel like things are still that new. Still that hard. Of course, it's been a busy 3 weeks. That probably contributes to my feeling of time loss.

So when she was born, my brother was still living with us. We tried to get him his own place before she was born and things didn't work out. I never minded him staying, and was actually really thankful for the help, but I felt like we should be bringing a baby home without me having to worry about keeping a shirt on all the time, ya know? I'd have enough on my plate. So he was still with us when she arrived.

As you other mothers may know, the baby isn't the only thing that arrives. The baby brings this emotional roller coaster that for the most part, has been more like a kiddy ride for me. I've been lucky- no uncontrollable sobbing or anything. Until my brother moved out. Whoa did I take that hard. Seeing the guest room empty for the first time, I walked in and looked around and cried. I felt like it was my child moving out. I felt like I was losing my brother. It was so hard for me to think about not seeing him every day. And I know in my head that I'm not being logical and that there's no reason for me to be sad but I couldn't help it. And I kept on my brave face, but it made me tear up more than once during those first few days.

The roller coaster has also made it hard for me to find my place in my marriage since the baby is here. Craig adores her. And when I watch him with her, it makes me so happy that his is my husband. That has been, hands down, the best part of having her here. But sometimes, I start to worry. Does he like her more than me? Does he still like me at all? And we're SO busy being Mom and Dad that we have basically NO time to be Wife and Husband. And for almost 6 years, that's what we've been. Very affectionate, very touchy feely, kissy kissy, Husband and Wife. I've never had to share Craig with anyone else. I was the center of his world. I got all the attention. And now, I don't. And sometimes, if I'm being honest, that makes me sad. I miss being Wifey sometimes. And I know this is just a phase and pretty soon we'll be able to go to bed at the same time and kiss each other goodnight, but in those rare moments where we can finally cuddle on the couch I realize how much I miss it.

And nursing...whoa. I read all the horror stories before I had her. I messaged my friend April and asked "Is it really THAT bad? It sounds terrifying!" She assured me that it wasn't. I wasn't that lucky though. Blisters, scabs, excruciating pain. That's what nursing has been like for me. I finally broke down and fixed her a bottle of formula (thank God Enfamil sent us samples!). I've been supplementing with one bottle almost every day since, either because of the pain, or because I'm not brave enough to nurse her in public yet.

So I called a Lactation Consultant. She came over and spent a few hours with us. We worked on getting her to latch better. And sometimes, it's not so bad. Then when I had my checkup with my midwife I told her about the troubles I had had. She took a look at realized Lorelai has a pretty strong lip tie, which can be pretty easily corrected, but the only person she had to recommend was in Ft. Worth. She told me about her son, who had lip tie before she knew what it was. He was her third so she was much better at nursing than me and they just worked through it, but he, like Lorelai would often get frustrated and pop off and scream. Then when she became pregnant with her next, her son couldn't nurse enough to bring her supply back up so she had to wean him at 10 months. Then, when he was older, he ended up having to go to 2 years of speech therapy because he couldn't make the "mm" sound. So she highly recommended we get it fixed. I'm hoping this is our missing link. The pain is still really intense when she latches on. She gets frustrated. It's been a challenge to say the least!

You can read about lip tie here: http://theleakyboob.com/2012/11/the-basics-of-tongue-and-lip-tie-related-issues-assessment-and-treatment/

But overall, she has been such a good baby. We've only had 3 or 4 long nights where she didn't want to sleep, or stayed up for 4 or 5 hours. She isn't very fussy. We treated her for gas for the first time last night when we couldn't figure out why she was screaming. It was our first inconsolable moment. The Gripe Water seemed to help. She calmed down and eventually went to sleep. She does good in public because she pretty much just sleeps as long as we time everything right. She's more alert now. Her eyes make me melt! She makes the cutest faces! I love when I'm carrying her chest to chest and she lays her head on me. I love rubbing my face on her head. She's a great snuggler. I'm looking forward to her being more interactive!

I have all my birth pictures loaded onto my computer now. I wanted to share a few with you, because I know at least a few of you will be interested. If you're not, you can stop reading now ;) Here's some pictures from 3 weeks ago: